I Couldn't Do It
by GalaxyOfPi
Summary: Written from Peter Pettigrew's point of view, this story is the tale of the Marauders, from Peter being their brother, to his betrayal. This is the story of a lost brother.


**This story is a Marauders Era fanfic from Peter Pettigrew's point of view. Please read and review!**

It was first year, and I was headed off to Hogwarts. I met three others on the train who I quickly became friends with. I finally felt as if I belonged, as if I fit in. I would spend seven years with James, Sirius and Remus, and I couldn't see how our friendship would ever end. We'd be friends forever.

It was second year, and James, Sirius and I confronted Remus about being a werewolf. He broke down, begging for us not to get him kicked out of school. I was shocked. We wanted to help him. "Remus, we're friends, brothers, and we always will be. And friends stay together." That was the start of our brotherhood, on that cold December night all those years ago.

It was third year and James had tried to ask out Lily Evans for the first time. She had rejected him, and he had stayed up for hours wondering what was so wrong with him that she would say no to him. "James, give it time." I had said. "She's not the only girl that there is." I had been there for him. And I felt sure that I always would be.

It was fourth year and a Ravenclaw sixth year had begun teasing me about my scores in Transfiguration. I had blushed and looked down at my feet as he had taunted me, saying I would never be good enough. James, Sirius and Remus had appeared, causing the Ravenclaw to back down. But I never forgot the last comment he had before he left, "You can't even stand up for yourself; what a coward."

It was fifth year and James and Sirius had finally found how to become Animagi. Remus was worried for us, and didn't want us to do it. "What if I hurt you? What if I killed you?" I looked at him, placing my hand on his arm. "Remus, we're brothers. We would die for you." He was my friend, my brother, my protector, and at that moment I never thought that would change.

It was sixth year and rumours about the war and the Dark Lord were rising. I was scared. He was so powerful; could anyone really resist him? And why should they? Anyone who resisted was killed. But my brothers were rebels, and believed it was worth the fight. They were my protectors, and I would stay with them.

It was seventh year, and we started hearing of the Order of the Phoenix. The others wanted to join, to resist, to fight. Me? I just wanted to be safe. Was there a point in protecting others if it meant your death? But the other three were sure. "The war is starting. We've been best friends since the start. I would die to protect all for you. Would you?" James looked at the rest of us, putting his hand in the center. Sirius and Remus followed suit, but I hesitated before placing my hand on theirs.

The next year, the fighting began. With each battle we fought in, it became clearer and clearer that we were losing the war. The Marauders that had meant everything to me, had always protected me, could no longer do so. Who was I to stand up on my own to the Dark Lord? I couldn't stay with the others. My only chance was with the Dark Lord.

Lily and James made me their Secret-Keeper, going off of Sirius's word that I would be a less likely target for the Dark Lord. They still trusted me completely. They could no longer go out and fight, but Remus and Sirius protected me with everything they had in battles, protected me like I never could've protected them.

On October 31, 1981, the Dark Lord killed Lily and James. Sirius was the only other who knew I was their Secret Keeper. I suppose we went after each other that night, him in a state of blind grief, and me hoping to preserve my safety. We caught each other in that Muggle street, and attacked. He tried to attack, but something in him made him hesitate. I didn't hesitate; I destroyed the street and left, left my brother for death or imprisonment. I didn't look back. I was a coward. And I could never be anything else.

I found a home with a pureblood family as a pet rat and hid there for year, waiting to see if the Dark Lord, my only true protector, was still out there. Only one thought haunted me, through the years of solitude, remembering my lost brothers.

They would've died for me, but I couldn't die for them.

 _Perhaps some friendships just aren't meant to last._


End file.
